Broken Heart, I want it back

This is pretty late. I've been up since 5:15, maybe going to sleep as soon as I get done writing this. Tomorrow is another day of getting work done. Running in the morning is a must since it wont get done at night. Fun times tomorrow night!!!! My comcast internet wasn't working today, I was getting pretty frustrated and was about to punch someone or a hole in the wall, when I decided to restart my modem...and VIOLA it works. Last night as I was going home on the metro I overheard the conversation between two guys. From what I can tell it seems that one of them broke up with their wife/girlfriend. I couldn't tell what was the relationship, but it ended badly and he was joking about it.

Today at work we were listening to different songs and how they displayed what type of emotions or what we thought when we heard them. The second song started to play and I knew from the first chord that I had heard this song before. I couldn't identify it at first, but then I heard the lyrics and knew what band it was. It was The Casualties, the song was Punk Rock Love. I was thinking about that song all day and what feelings I felt. I remember saying something about the summer initially when I first heard the song, but the more I thought about it the more it made sense. When I cut the grass I would listen to my ipod and this song was on it. But it also produced a much deeper memory for me. I think it was sometime in sophomore year of college when I got dumped and was feeling pretty lousy. I use to walk around the streets of Raleigh at night by myself. Why? I don't know. It really never made sense. I would just leave and go for a walk. For some reason this song came into my head when I would walk those lonely nights. The song never resonated with my life, but for some reason it would pop up into my head.

Yeah it's time for bed.

Come Back

Hey now! I think as I was writing last night at this time, I was really dragging and to be factual I was actually in bed at this time. Now I'm feeling a bit better, got some pep to my step and am ready to get somethings done and then maybe go to sleep. When I woke up this morning I knew that I had to get my run in now or it wasn't going to happen. I was dragging a bit and didn't feel all that great, but I got it done and then was able to get a good breakfast. I wasn't feeling that great at the beginning of work, but it wasn't until lunchtime that I got my energy back. Then going back and working till 9 I was pumped. It reminded me after my last leg of Blue Ridge. It was at that point where I was super amped up, even though I was exhausted and hadn't had any sleep. I was able to stay awake for about 3 hours afterwards, and then crashed. So I guess tonight is heading that way...

One thing place that I walk by on a regular basis to work is Fasil Ethiopian restaurant. I've never had ethiopian food, but why not have some now. It seems like something that looks good. And who knows maybe I'll run fast! I'm not really sure what else I have to say tonight but I've got somethings to get done, work on my core, stretch, and then bed!

Getting old

I'm going to say that today will probably be a preview of things to come. I'm basically out of communication for most of the day. So if anything noteworthy happens, I probably wont hear about it until I get home. I got back around 7:45 and saw the news about the trial. Well I'm glad I don't care and never got personal invested in it. But today also showed just how much work is required to be doing this. I'm going to have to do a better job of managing time and making sure that I don't fall behind. I fell that I'm taking care of everything pretty well, but still need to assert myself when the time comes. Another week of PD and then Monday is the big day. Excitement, nerves, pumped up, anxiety all fit in my head. I'm probably going to go to sleep about now. I'm going to hold off on the foam roller for the night and from reading a bit. I'm 35 pages in, but I'm sure that there will be times when I can get things done. Oh boy! Oh boy!

Life as a Loser

-What are you doing today?

-Oh nothing, I celebrate Bastille Day!

...usually when you tell a joke the one thing that you hope happens is that it lands, because there is nothing worse than having to explain why you thought what you said would be humorous. It's moment's like this where you say to yourself, well at least it keeps you grounded.

Ah yes so that's how my early part of the day went. Working for a couple hours fixing things up and finalizing things tomorrow. Things are starting to get done, and I'm starting to get a bit excited/nervous at the same time. I think being naive is something that I have carried around from time to time, I do realize that what I'm about to do is going to be difficult. Although for the first three weeks I'm not sure that of what exactly I'll be doing. I think it's watching and observing, which isn't that bad. Hopefully I can get things under control. One thing that I have noticed is my public speaking. I can do it find with people who aren't my own age, but when it comes to people my own age I start pulling a Colin Firth and stutter and get all flustered when the situation arises. It's something that kinda bothers me from time to time. Because honestly I have (what I think) the words that I want to say, but they bounce around and I get all confused and they come out in a jumbled mess. But I'm hoping that with practice will make perfect.

After going to Shaw and doing some work for three hours I was pretty exhausted. I'm still not think that I'm getting enough calories into my system. I made some scrambled eggs and a bagel, watched some tv and then took a nap. I woke up around 6:50 and knew that my building was having a communal get together at 7. I made my way up there. As I didn't know anybody at my place I was standing (I would say cooly) against the wall, another resident came up and stood there as well. We ended up talking for a couple minutes, and then all of sudden she left. Well that can't be good. Did I have food smeared across my face? Was there a piece of the salad stuck in my teeth? It didn't appear that way. Well that is another interesting factoid.

Sometimes I think about what I am doing and how awesome it is. Sometimes I think that this is not the easiest way to go about things. The hours are going to be long, the stress will wear on me, but I have to take it one day at a time. I can't look forward to a break, because then it's just hanging on. It's something that is much more than that. I have to have a plan where I can come in with my head held high and be full of confidence. I can't fall back onto old habits. Right now I'm still treading water, and shortly it will be the swim part. Here we go!

Greenberg

...there's a scene in the movie "Greenberg" which I can safely say that I can relate to right about now. The character, played by Ben Stiller, is house sitting for his brother. His niece throws a big party, where all her friends show up. The Ben Stiller character, Greenberg, kinda has some social awkwardness tendencies kinda feels out of place with all these younger people. It takes some time for him to relate, and by time I mean he starts to do lines of cocaine. Well I was over at my sister's boyfriend's place tonight and I can say that it was just like that scene from Greenberg, minus the drug use. I quickly realized that I was probably five years younger than everyone else, and that while I don't mind drinking alcohol, it's nothing something that I was really looking to do. To drink to get drunk. SORRY BUT I'M SAVORING THE TAST OF THIS FINE DRINK.

Maybe it's the fact that in Charlotte I hang out with people who are active and exercise, so seeing people smoke was foreign to me. I'm not trying to judge, it was just something that was a shock. Sometimes you kinda realized who you are and who you are not. And you can fake it for as long as you can, but eventually your true colors come out and that's where you feel comfortable. Now at this bbq I did have two tall boys of PBR, which apparently was nice to hear that one of my bosses noticed this was all I drank at one of the happy hours. Sometimes I guess the way you project yourself is how others define who you are. It's something that might not be intentional, but it's something that I have to be more conscience about.

On the running front, something that is getting a bit ridiculous is that once again I got bit by some sort of insect and got a swelling from it. I guess my allergic reactions have gotten to the point where no matter what bites me, I will get a reaction. It's getting increasingly dangerous to the point where I might have to go to the doctor to see what I can do to prevent this from becoming a serious problem. I would rather not die while running on a trail by myself.

Tomorrow is the 4th and hopefully it will be something that will be neat to see in the nations capital. I'm going to be going into work for a bit tomorrow, I'm not sure for how long, but I'm getting ready for the year ahead of me. I don't really consider it that much of a dedication, but rather something that I want to get out of the way. Also my lead is going to be there and I feel the need to help her out, because I really don't have anything planned for the early part of the day.

Cultured

I'm going to give today a perfect grade. It was nothing short of a rather relaxing day, doing and then folding laundry. Then ironing my work clothes. I was able to watch the beginning of the tour and the women's final on tennis. One thing that I like about the tour is how it reconnects to me the feeling that it's the month of July. It harkens back memories for me of watching the tour during the month. There was the time I watched a replay of it with Death* at running camp in 07. It was the first time that I really hung out with my roommate that week and I knew that this was a guy I need to hang out even more!

*Not his real name.

But the tour also allows me to maintain on my learning of the areas where it's been held. It's a refreshing course on history. I'm able to stay up to task on certain areas that I'm not sure if I know well. Also the fact that I can view in HD helps out a lot. The fascinating shots of the European countryside is another reason why I enjoy watching it.

The title of this post comes from the fact that I just got done reading the Washington Post (WaPo for short) and let me tell you, other than being the only individual who reads an actual newspaper on pages and not on a computer, that the writing is top notch. It's always humbling to read something someone writes and go, damn that's really good, theres no way I could do something like that. I noticed the language and the way the individual authors wrote their stories that I was getting something a bit better than the Charlotte Observer. Not to say that Charlotte is a stuck in the mud hillbilly type of town, but the DMV (DC, Maryland, Virginia area) is a higher media market, and thus attracts those from the upper echelon. I guess if you want to make a name for yourself you go to the place where your voice can be heard and where a mass audience will read your voice. I also don't think it hurts that Woodward and Bernstein wrote for the WaPo either. With that in mind I feel a certain sense of enlightenment right about now, although I wonder how much of my mind is turning to mush from the repeated viewings of Inception on HBO. I've probably watched bits and pieces of the movie about 10-15 times right now. It's a movie where I can watch it at any point and immediately get hooked.

With all that being said it's looking like another relaxing day, filled with a long run. I've explored the area a bit and will try out the C&O Trail tomorrow. I'm glad that this area is so conducive to running. I can go out from my place and within a half mile be at a trail. I really don't have any excuses for slacking off in training, aside from my job getting to the point where I reach a breaking point. But I have found methods to prevent that: reading and writing daily. Withe the abundance of trails I have areas to go out and just do my long run. I haven't reached the point where it gets boring, which was the case from time to time running at McMullen, McAlpine, or any of the roads in Charlotte. Right now I'm feeling good about a lot of things, but know that I have to be grounded in my approach. There's going to be a lot of obstacles that will in front of me, and I have to handle myself in the appropriate light. I feel that I have mellowed out a bit in the past couple years, and that I'm no longer tightly wound up. I still am super critical of myself and am already replaying instances where I fudged up. Also my interactions at some points and ways in which I could have handled it differently have come in to play. But other than that I'm getting into a groove. I'll probably have to wake up earlier in a week, but that's not to terrible. I just need to reinforce a line from one of my favorite movies:

"Everyday in everywhere were getting better and better"

Chief Inspector Dreyfuss

Although I don't really see the irony that this line was said in a mental hospital by someone who was put there because he tried to kill Jacque Clouseu. Of course putting "does your dog bit" doesn't have the same ring.

Exhaustion into Smartness

I guess right now I have to say that the new B-Mac Mansion is in it's infant stage. I'm thinking after living in my place for nearly a fortnight that it might be time to hang up some of the framed pictures YOU CANNOT DENY THE FIFTH PLACE FINISH AT GREEKFEST FRAMED PHOTO and my old basketball flags (hipster quota taken care of). After a couple days of working it's slowly come to a conclusion that there are certain that I need to do a better job of on a personal level.

I kinda realized after I got home that I really do need to eat a lot more than what I am eating right now. FATTY WANT FOOD. I packed a turkey sandwich, yogurt, pretzels, pineapple fruit cup, and water. But as soon as I came home I realized that the energy was severely lacking. Of course it may have been due to the fact that I got a ride back from a co worker and we got stuck in terrible soul crushing DC traffic which zapped all energy from me and I became a total zombie. Maybe. But I have realized that I have probably lost some weight. I guess a change is that I'm eating a lot more healthier, as the goal that the students will need to see me as a role model for healthy eating (they get healthy snacks) . So I've been buying loads of fruits, some vegetables, and not really any junk food.

And that leads to how I was feeling this afternoon. We drove by a 5 guys and oh how I got a craving for one of those burgers. I started to get the feeling that I f-- it I'm getting some bad for dinner. But after thinking about it, it really didn't make that much sense to do that. Walking to my building I go by a Wendy's, and I didn't even flinch when I went by it. A frosty does sound good one day, but I knew that this wasn't that day. I ended up making some spaghetti which wasn't that bad.

Another thing is that I feel that very slowly my running is coming back into respectable shape. I have a race in two weeks. I'm not sure what I will be able to run, but I'm hoping that I can get back some of my mojo that I've been missing. I've been running well and consistent mileage for the past month. I've been smarter when it comes to stretching, improving flexibility, and taking the steps to reduce injury. One of the steps is that I'm focusing on my gluteus medius, which I found I have a weak right one. It's a lower ab muscle. After runs I do some exercises to strengthen it. Also I have been more focused when doing my core. CORE!! Hopefully this will lead me to running faster.

Another interesting aspect of where I'm working is that I'm one of two gentlemen there. One thing that I'm going to have to take advantage of is making sure I coordinate my colors together in regard to my shirt and pants. THIS DOESN'T MATCH I KNOW NOT WHAT YOU MEAN. I already got some rave reviews of my work shoes that I wore today instead of the boat shoes that I have been wearing. I like these shoes because they provide more support for my feet, and they look a bit more professional. Other than that I really don't have to worry that much about my skirt length, wearing spaghetti straps, or finding a dress for the gala we are attending in August.

I'm not really sure what my plans are for this weekend outside of watching the Tour, the Championships, and watching fireworks. Maybe I will go out with some people that I have meet throughout the week, but that's up in the air. I'm still kinda getting use to where I'm am. So it just depends on what happens.