Good Mourning

...sometimes when I write sometimes I figure that people take what I write extremely seriously. That what I am writing is what I am thinking, and that any actions that I write about are in fact things that will happen or I want to happen. There have been moments that when I write morbid and dark thoughts and I want people to think I want those things to happen to me. That when I write these things that deep down I am hoping for some disease or death to take hold of me. That this would be a release from the living. When in reality it's not like that at all. In fact I really don't care that much.

There's a song from the Alkaline Trio where the lyrics are something that like this:
 "Step 1 slit my throat/ Step 2 play in my blood/ Step 3 cover me in dirty sheets and go laughing down the way"

I would write about this lyric and of it's ilk, in the hope that people would look at me like I was dark and maybe disturbed. But in fact I am actually lame and not really that into whatever I am writing. It's one of those things that I want people to think OH I THINK BRIAN MIGHT BE IN TROUBLE. But that's not the case, and really nobody really responds to anything like that. So if I every did go down the rabbit hole, I don't think people would really care or that they would stop and ask for help.

Run: 9.25 miles @ McMullen Greenway

My stomach felt nausea this morning. I ate some enchiladas last night and this morning the combination of cheese and the chicken and whatever else was in them wrecked havoc on my stomach. I ended up running at the greenway probably for the last time (in my life??????) for a while. It wasn't that cold out and it threatened to rain, but it wasn't that bad. I head up to DC tomorrow.