Prince Hal grows up: Elf Run Recap (A race within a race)

...there comes a point where sometimes you have to think about something that's happened in the past and you can go two ways: you can either let it continue to effect you or you can move on in a positive way. I'm sure there are other ways that you deal with it, like totally ignoring it and pretending that it never happened, but that's something that happens in a communist country and for the sake of this post we will pretend that it never happened. But sometimes you have to think, is this really what I need to be doing, is this really how I should be acting, or what I think is the best way to go about it? When you swear to never to do something in your life again, there's no real way to come back. Of course if you swear to never to do something in your life again, you have the same mentality as a five year old, and knowing quite a few that's not rational thinking all the time.

So I got the facebook invite some time again and immediately said no. I think I was the only one who actually said no. When asked why, I said that I had plans. My thought process when things go bad is to ignore it and it will go away. Well it seems to work well enough, most of the time. But in the past couple days a higher authority came to me, Airheart, and asked me if I could go and serve as some sort of ambassador. Well it's much harder to say no to her than other people, and besides was there some time for closure? I think so. I mean I had gone to a couple state meets and a footlocker race, and I've kinda let go, but there hasn't been the welcome back feeling that I have experienced that I kinda wanted.

...I got down with the warm up and my back tightened up. And then I thought back to an obscure line from an obscure movie and I immediately started to cackle in the fire station. Doctor said I need a backiatomy. I don't know why, but I still think of that whenever I have back pain. I knew that this race was totally going to be painful. I hadn't done much running for a month, I hadn't done anything that resembled any speed work in a month, in the end I was going to have to rely on my experience as a road racer to get my old bones through this race. And to compound it an Olympian was running the race. Nerves? Please!

...the night before I was a bit nervous. What was I going to say? Who was going to be there? What would happen? Would it be bad? Even leading up to that afternoon I took a nap but couldn't really sleep all that well because I was unsure of what to expect. You can't really be sure how people are going to react to you. You can tell people you have changed and even act like you've changed but some people will still view you as you were in the past. So I headed over to a place that I've been hundreds of times, a place that I've held court hundreds of times. But alas I haven't been the sole authority figure at the benches for nearly two years, three months, and x amount of days, but seriously who is counting! And for an instance I stayed in my car wondering what to do. I didn't see anybody. So I just stood in my car, and then I thought you gotta get out. So I did. I say J-Scan, he smiled, gave me a hug, and it was back.

...from the first step I knew that this race wasn't going to be good. Fam got out and he never had a single person run with him. There was about five or six people that bolted out and I was left catching my breath. Uh I'm hoping they come back. No really I hope they come back. I was looking at my watch every couple of seconds. What's my pace? What is it? Oh man it hasn't even been a half mile. Well this isn't good. First mile 5:33 seriously I don't know what to expect. It seems that we were running a bit further than we should. Someone asked me if were suppose to turn left now. I don't know, but I don't think we turn left cause that leads us to 77. I was in the crap position. Don't get passed. I ran passed the one mile mark and it was at 1.3 in the race. Somehow this did not compute in my head accurately.

...and then they all started to trickle in. And one by one there were hand shakes and hugs. It was just like old times. The familiar faces. The familiar laughs, cliques, postures when they stood. It was all coming back. And like everything else coming back came when it was time for the old emperor to lead the charges back. Elephant in the room. Going over the line. Well if you had to ask me, if you don't know me, did I mention it and straddle it. Yes and yes. Of course if this was a staple of my public speaking, it included some bad jokes, some bad puns, and some self aggrandizing (someone here ran a 2:44 marathon, I forgot who it was...OH WAIT IT WAS ME). Some laughed. It was a time to have fun. No real statements. No real things that could be said. No time for sorry. It was a time to forget what has happened in the past. Someone said what if what's happened the past years was a dream and that we all woke up and it was a regular high school practice.

I want to say it was January or February, and I actually had that dream. That everything had been a bad dream. I woke up and didn't know if it was a dream or not. And for a split second I was in that state where it was happy and sad. And then I came to the realization that it had not been a dream, that everything happened.

...at the turn around I was feeling awful. My garmin went off for two miles and I didn't think to much of it. I can't really say anything about the race or the course. I didn't run with anyone and the course was particularly boring. At the third mile beep I kinda realized uh this isn't right. Where is the finish line? Then I realized yep we are running this long. I didn't relax. I actually caught someone in front of me, out kicked them for about .1 miles. I ended up running close to 5:46 pace for 3.42 miles. Not to shabby. I felt like I was going to die after the race. I went into the fire station and ate some food. Well this is where I have to go from now. Figures. Now I know what I have to do. Well that makes it much more fun to do then. I don't know what I am going to race, but I know I have to get in shape.

...and then we started to run. And it all came back. I've run with friends before, I've run with groups before. But it can't stand a candle to this group. It was so much better. Why? I can't really say. You have to have been a part of it to understand. It's that simple. Unless you were there then you really wouldn't get it. Do you touch the tree right before the 1.5 mile mark? Do you stop at the 1 and shoot the breeze, while you are suppose to stretch? Do you see the different color boardwalk peg at the 1 and cackle when you realize why it's there? Do you remember the segway cops? Do you remember all the different things? People make running really difficult. It's not the SAT's. People can take the fun out of it. People can make it seem really nerdy DO WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT RUNNING WHEN WE ARE RUNNING? Sometimes talking about training or who won what marathon is just boring and sometimes you need to talk about things that are, shock, fun. And that's what it was like. The good old times. And you realize yes that was some time again. Yes I am turning thirty this year. Oh man am I old. Can I just go back and do this again. No you can't. You can't ever go back. But you still have a selective group. Never forget that.

...and so on the cool down, where Stan and Allen left me to go back, I was running along a country road by myself there really wasn't a thought going through my head. I wasn't that bummed. I wasn't that concerned. Oh well that's the way things go. I was listening to NPR before the race and they were focusing on a rally cry that is being used in Libya. It's Kenny Roger's The Gambler, and focusing on the lyrics sometimes you got to know when to hold them and when to fold them.

As the sun was fading and night was about to come, I realized that this wasn't to bad. Take credit well I can't really say that. I didn't organize it. But someone had to lead it. That thought always makes me think. Me, the leader. Ha! There were things that could have been said. Things that could have been brought up, but really what would they have accomplished? And that's when you realize that you've changed. Maybe not for the better, but something inside of you. What is it? You don't feel it. You can't really say what it is. But you know what it is. And frankly you have to figure to yourself that the only person you have to convince that you've really changed is yourself and that's all that matters.

So, when this loose behaviour I throw off
And pay the debt I never promisèd,
By how much better than my word I am,
By so much shall I falsify men’s hopes;
And like bright metal on a sullen ground,
My reformation, glitt’ring o’er my fault,
Shall show more goodly and attract more eyes
Than that which hath no foil to set it off.
I’ll so offend to make offence a skill,
Redeeming time when men think least I will.

Henry IV Part 1