Got to have some goals

As the new year approaches I've been thinking that on the vacation that I am going on for the almost two weeks I feel it's quite appropriate with how I live my life. I've really not done much. I really don't check my email that often, maybe once a day. I have played on the PS3 and watched a lot of Community. I've gone out an ran, but nothing that is remarkable. So I guess it's time for myself to reflect on what I've got going for me and look into the future (something that I am loathed to do). I see that in June starting June 16 till maybe June 30 I really don't have anything to do and will be my summer vacation. With that being in mind I feel it's time to do something that is a bit different. Instead of going back to Charlotte and having all the good and bad memories fill up, I've been thinking about going cross country. Just myself, my car (I kinda need one to do this), a journal (to recap all the things I see and my thoughts), a watch, a tent (to sleep in-obviously), running shoes, change of clothes, water, gatorade. There are probably other things that I will need to bring, but one thing that I wont bring is a razor. I guess I'll have to bring a phone, because I would rather not have the worry that I get in trouble and not tell people.

So that's my plan. Run in the morning, drive to a place, explore said place, find a place to sleep for the night, and repeat it till I reach the Pacific. Then taking a different route back to DC.

Back in the habit

...there's always a thought to look ahead. I guess as a runner there are goals to put and then be an expectation to reach them. Goals are good. Probably better in life than running, I would have to say. Of course goals are like new year's resolutions, they start out with a bang and within two weeks are left on the dresser. One thing that always gets me right now is one question that I get from time to time. Where do you see yourself in (insert time) years? My answer usually is one that is what people want to hear, but really I don't know. If you were to ask me two years ago that I would be in DC, I wouldn't have believed that. So I have to assume that in two years from now it will probably be something different and unbelievable to me now.

That's always the thought process that I have. Where do I go from here? I really don't know. It's one of those things that will work itself out. I really have to have a positive outlook on things I guess.

Boring bit:

Ran about 8.6 miles on part of the Shamrock 4 mile course. That building that they are constructing is going to be massive. Did 4 strides. The road to getting fit is beginning.

Prince Hal grows up: Elf Run Recap (A race within a race)

...there comes a point where sometimes you have to think about something that's happened in the past and you can go two ways: you can either let it continue to effect you or you can move on in a positive way. I'm sure there are other ways that you deal with it, like totally ignoring it and pretending that it never happened, but that's something that happens in a communist country and for the sake of this post we will pretend that it never happened. But sometimes you have to think, is this really what I need to be doing, is this really how I should be acting, or what I think is the best way to go about it? When you swear to never to do something in your life again, there's no real way to come back. Of course if you swear to never to do something in your life again, you have the same mentality as a five year old, and knowing quite a few that's not rational thinking all the time.

So I got the facebook invite some time again and immediately said no. I think I was the only one who actually said no. When asked why, I said that I had plans. My thought process when things go bad is to ignore it and it will go away. Well it seems to work well enough, most of the time. But in the past couple days a higher authority came to me, Airheart, and asked me if I could go and serve as some sort of ambassador. Well it's much harder to say no to her than other people, and besides was there some time for closure? I think so. I mean I had gone to a couple state meets and a footlocker race, and I've kinda let go, but there hasn't been the welcome back feeling that I have experienced that I kinda wanted.

...I got down with the warm up and my back tightened up. And then I thought back to an obscure line from an obscure movie and I immediately started to cackle in the fire station. Doctor said I need a backiatomy. I don't know why, but I still think of that whenever I have back pain. I knew that this race was totally going to be painful. I hadn't done much running for a month, I hadn't done anything that resembled any speed work in a month, in the end I was going to have to rely on my experience as a road racer to get my old bones through this race. And to compound it an Olympian was running the race. Nerves? Please!

...the night before I was a bit nervous. What was I going to say? Who was going to be there? What would happen? Would it be bad? Even leading up to that afternoon I took a nap but couldn't really sleep all that well because I was unsure of what to expect. You can't really be sure how people are going to react to you. You can tell people you have changed and even act like you've changed but some people will still view you as you were in the past. So I headed over to a place that I've been hundreds of times, a place that I've held court hundreds of times. But alas I haven't been the sole authority figure at the benches for nearly two years, three months, and x amount of days, but seriously who is counting! And for an instance I stayed in my car wondering what to do. I didn't see anybody. So I just stood in my car, and then I thought you gotta get out. So I did. I say J-Scan, he smiled, gave me a hug, and it was back.

...from the first step I knew that this race wasn't going to be good. Fam got out and he never had a single person run with him. There was about five or six people that bolted out and I was left catching my breath. Uh I'm hoping they come back. No really I hope they come back. I was looking at my watch every couple of seconds. What's my pace? What is it? Oh man it hasn't even been a half mile. Well this isn't good. First mile 5:33 seriously I don't know what to expect. It seems that we were running a bit further than we should. Someone asked me if were suppose to turn left now. I don't know, but I don't think we turn left cause that leads us to 77. I was in the crap position. Don't get passed. I ran passed the one mile mark and it was at 1.3 in the race. Somehow this did not compute in my head accurately.

...and then they all started to trickle in. And one by one there were hand shakes and hugs. It was just like old times. The familiar faces. The familiar laughs, cliques, postures when they stood. It was all coming back. And like everything else coming back came when it was time for the old emperor to lead the charges back. Elephant in the room. Going over the line. Well if you had to ask me, if you don't know me, did I mention it and straddle it. Yes and yes. Of course if this was a staple of my public speaking, it included some bad jokes, some bad puns, and some self aggrandizing (someone here ran a 2:44 marathon, I forgot who it was...OH WAIT IT WAS ME). Some laughed. It was a time to have fun. No real statements. No real things that could be said. No time for sorry. It was a time to forget what has happened in the past. Someone said what if what's happened the past years was a dream and that we all woke up and it was a regular high school practice.

I want to say it was January or February, and I actually had that dream. That everything had been a bad dream. I woke up and didn't know if it was a dream or not. And for a split second I was in that state where it was happy and sad. And then I came to the realization that it had not been a dream, that everything happened.

...at the turn around I was feeling awful. My garmin went off for two miles and I didn't think to much of it. I can't really say anything about the race or the course. I didn't run with anyone and the course was particularly boring. At the third mile beep I kinda realized uh this isn't right. Where is the finish line? Then I realized yep we are running this long. I didn't relax. I actually caught someone in front of me, out kicked them for about .1 miles. I ended up running close to 5:46 pace for 3.42 miles. Not to shabby. I felt like I was going to die after the race. I went into the fire station and ate some food. Well this is where I have to go from now. Figures. Now I know what I have to do. Well that makes it much more fun to do then. I don't know what I am going to race, but I know I have to get in shape.

...and then we started to run. And it all came back. I've run with friends before, I've run with groups before. But it can't stand a candle to this group. It was so much better. Why? I can't really say. You have to have been a part of it to understand. It's that simple. Unless you were there then you really wouldn't get it. Do you touch the tree right before the 1.5 mile mark? Do you stop at the 1 and shoot the breeze, while you are suppose to stretch? Do you see the different color boardwalk peg at the 1 and cackle when you realize why it's there? Do you remember the segway cops? Do you remember all the different things? People make running really difficult. It's not the SAT's. People can take the fun out of it. People can make it seem really nerdy DO WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT RUNNING WHEN WE ARE RUNNING? Sometimes talking about training or who won what marathon is just boring and sometimes you need to talk about things that are, shock, fun. And that's what it was like. The good old times. And you realize yes that was some time again. Yes I am turning thirty this year. Oh man am I old. Can I just go back and do this again. No you can't. You can't ever go back. But you still have a selective group. Never forget that.

...and so on the cool down, where Stan and Allen left me to go back, I was running along a country road by myself there really wasn't a thought going through my head. I wasn't that bummed. I wasn't that concerned. Oh well that's the way things go. I was listening to NPR before the race and they were focusing on a rally cry that is being used in Libya. It's Kenny Roger's The Gambler, and focusing on the lyrics sometimes you got to know when to hold them and when to fold them.

As the sun was fading and night was about to come, I realized that this wasn't to bad. Take credit well I can't really say that. I didn't organize it. But someone had to lead it. That thought always makes me think. Me, the leader. Ha! There were things that could have been said. Things that could have been brought up, but really what would they have accomplished? And that's when you realize that you've changed. Maybe not for the better, but something inside of you. What is it? You don't feel it. You can't really say what it is. But you know what it is. And frankly you have to figure to yourself that the only person you have to convince that you've really changed is yourself and that's all that matters.

So, when this loose behaviour I throw off
And pay the debt I never promisèd,
By how much better than my word I am,
By so much shall I falsify men’s hopes;
And like bright metal on a sullen ground,
My reformation, glitt’ring o’er my fault,
Shall show more goodly and attract more eyes
Than that which hath no foil to set it off.
I’ll so offend to make offence a skill,
Redeeming time when men think least I will.

Henry IV Part 1

Year in Review: Pictures with Funny (but mostly unfunny) captions

Right before the start of the Charleston Marathon. At the end on the left side. I'm hoping to either a) slip on something and not race or b) have Stan take me out so I don't race. Mostly I really didn't want to race.

At the end of the Shamrock 4 miler, where *shock* I look like an actual runner. I would like to say that I was the one who originated the headband look for races in Charlotte, but that would be a bit pretentious of me. But seriously I started it and when there were imitators I had to let it go.

Skyline 5k race. In the orange shorts. Yep I look like I'm in pain and not enjoying the race.

Sometimes you think you look good and then you see a picture and realize that it wasn't the case, and you looked really bad. This was not true here. I knew I looked bad and it was only reinforced from seeing this picture.

Giving about 10% here.

Are we having fun yet?

Bogey sad after I left. Blog post to read if you want more perspective: http://fatmcmahon.blogspot.com/2011/06/boy-and-his-dog.html. Warning you might cry if you read it.

Around mile 16 of the marathon. Stride=good. Feeling=not good.

Earthquake damage in my apartment.

Wait a minute! What's with the fancy pants picture. This is a running blog, right? Stick to that. You're not that great at it but stick to it.

A fourth place finishers plaque sitting askew on an empty bed, that doesn't look like it really means much to whoever has it. Any takers??!!

Various running medals (or crap) protected by T-Rex. Here's to 2012!!!

Self Indulgent Post Part I: Running Blah Blah in Review Blah Blah

Now it appears time for me to write a recap of my running year of 2011. How did it go? Some races were good, some races were bad. The sun came up and the sun went down. The tides came in and the tides went out. Got some PRs in some distances. Will I remember everything about the year? Probably not. Of course before you read any further keep one thing in mind: DUDE IT'S JUST RUNNING. It doesn't matter how much money you pay for fancy running clothes, watches, any assorted running crap* it really a simple sport. I don't really know why I do it. There's no real purpose, I'll eventually get slower. But for now I enjoy what I do. I do put mythological aura when it comes to running. I don't need to go out into the woods to truly feel blessed about doing something that is rather elementary. I don't get that enthusiastic about races, because I'll know I'll run more. There will be good races and bad races. Awards and medals don't mean much to me. Places in a race and times are nice, but ultimately it comes down to how I feel about the race, and if I feel great about it then it doesn't really matter what other people think.

*From the guy with a Garmin watch.

So without further ado here is what I can remember about the races that I have ran this year. Maybe a brief synopsis with a couple sentences and I'll finish it all with goals for 2012. So if you don't have a sense of humor don't read on.

January

At first I didn't think I ran a race in this month, but then I realized I did. I paced the Charleston Marathon. I was suppose to run a 3:15 but nobody in my pace group listened to me (a recurring theme later on in the year). So I ended up running something like 3:19 or 3:17 I'm not really sure. I wasn't really motivated to do this race. I said I would do it and held myself to this decision, but felt that this was not a wise choice. The course wasn't that great. I ended up driving home after the race with the goal to see how fast I could get out of Charleston. There were some positives like getting yelled out at the expo by some elderly women because I didn't know if there would be a pace group for 10:30 minute miles (maybe train faster?), getting lost in Charleston with Allen, eating everything that you shouldn't before and after a marathon and not feeling that bad.

Also in January I started graduated school again at UNCC. It was ok. I went to DC to interview for a job**. I saw snow.

**Spoiler: I got it.

February

The only month where I didn't race. I went to watch a race, which is something I am loathed to do if I'm not racing. What could be more boring than watching people run? Watching people run on TV? But I went to watch Cupid's Cup, the year before I finished third or fourth I'm not sure. I didn't run this year because I wasn't in shape from the marathon fatigue, so I watched. There were a lot of people I knew running and most everyone ran well. I did a workout after the race and confirmed how out of shape I was. I don't think there was any motivation to do any races in the month, so I just trained and chilled.

Of course in this month Ol B-Mizzle came to town and made some poor choices. But things happen you deal with it and move on. And afterwards I imposed a self exile on facebook and athleticore. I did this before in November 2009 and had two people call me up worried if I was ok. In 2010 nobody called or emailed me if I was ok, that's probably because of a combination of things, but it just confirmed what I already knew. The things I joke about not really being true were actually true. (Although I've never ran a race and won and had that race not reported)

March

I began my racing 2010 season on a course that I have ran numerous times, on a road numerous times. It was the beginning of the end. I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I thought I was in good shape, but I had to see what was going to happen. Sometimes you know that you are going to run well from the first step. It also helps if you have confidence. I ran the Shamrock 4 miler in a PR of 21:34 (or something like that). I finished fourth. Did anything really change after the race? Not really. I just ran a bit faster but was the same person. It was an ok race, and I felt that maybe I could have ran faster. I got beat by two runners that were a lot faster than me, and lost to someone that ran a 5k the night before (again!!), and felt that I didn't have the physical toughness to gut it out on the third mile. Oh well last time I'm running that race again. Not to shabby.

So I got the job in DC but still went to school. I hung out with Dustin and John and did some runs with Kent. I can't think of too much to say about this time. Of course when I showed up to the Shamrock race people would say "WHAT YOU ARE STILL HERE WHEN ARE YOU MOVING TO DC", and I would say (playing with my feet and talking to them) I...uh...think in June". I had to hear this about 100000 times from March to June.

April

I ran way to many races in this month. I ran the Bulldog 5k and finished second, but wanted to win. I ran a PR and knew that I actually couldn't have done any faster than the time. I was something miffed about what I had heard the day before when someone asked me why I wasn't going to do the race seeing that I was out of town. Well I didn't know why that would be said, so I used that to my advantage. The Bulldog race was fun to run and see some people that I hadn't seen in a while. I went out with a plan and came close to doing well, but didn't run that well. I got a 2 mile PR in the race. And had to really reach down in the well to beat a former runner that I coached. Because there was no way I was losing to him.

The other race I did was the Skyline 5k and I knew that I wasn't going to run well at all. I was physically fatigued and had nothing in my legs. I hit the first mile in 5:17 and that felt like death. I tried and lost contact and just tried hard enough not to get passed. I don't remember what my overall time was or place. It was probably something slow. Oh well.

So on the night of the Skyline race I go to the club social downtown and am the DD for Dza. I realize that I am going to have a fun night. The picture that is taken between the two of us I use for my job (well I crop out Dza). Of course it gets to the point where I realize that I'm probably going to sleep at 4:30 or 5am, and that I'm the only sober person in a van on the street somewhere in downtown Charlotte. These are quite unusual circumstances you place yourself in.

May

I ran the Twilight 5k. I got done with the warm up and really just wanted to get in my car and go home. I didn't really feel like doing the race and really didn't want to talk to really anyone. Of course I'm to nice of a person to complete ignore pleasantry so I talk and pretend to be interested in the race. I see Sunde and decide to set the pace for him in first mile and hang on from there. Which turns out that I run behind him for the first mile in something like 5:04 and realize that I really don't want to do this race anymore and just jog and stop a couple times in the race. I nearly run 18 minutes for the race. I find the whole process of competition in these races a bit humorous. What does it matter what place I come in? What does it matter what time I run? There are much more important things to do other than worry about times/workouts/races/running related things. I take a long break from running and wonder if there really is a reason to actually run again. It's an interesting thing that I really didn't mind taking a couple days off from running and not have to worry about if I am going to get my run in. Sometimes it doesn't really matter one way or the other. You're putting a foot in front of the other relatively fast.

On a lark I entered the WWC 10k and decide to run it for the heck of it. Did I feel refreshed or OMG THIS IS SO WHAT I NEEDED. No that's lame and people who think like that are people who will go around from thing to thing to be reassured. It was a new challenge and I wanted to see if I could do it. I ran one other trail race back a long time ago. Fell three times, thought I bruised my lung, looked like I ended up losing a fight with roots. This time I just went out and ran without worry of time or place. I knew that this was going to be hard. I ended up finishing second in the race. It wasn't bad. I felt muscles working that hadn't worked before.

June

I ran one race a track race. I didn't expect to much. I ran some workouts and ran like crap in them. I was going to run the mile and maybe the 5k. I expected a sub 5 for the mile if I was lucky. I didn't know what to expect. I ran a 4:40 in the mile, not bad. I ran a 17:06 (or something close) in the 5k, not good. I guess this started to confirm to me that workouts and worrying about them/or doing them was overrated. I nearly ran a PR in the mile without any real work. I ended feeling pretty good about the mile race. Just ran the 5k for fun and that was what it turned out to be.

In this month I left for DC and was able to have some fun. I was thinking about having a going away party at a friends place, but was told "How many people will show up? Nobody." And I had a going away run the day before I left and two people showed up and when I relayed this to someone in the know they said that's about two more than I thought would show up. So I left Charlotte on my own terms, well not really, but with my head held high. The last night I ended up going out with John and Dustin and that was great.

July

I ran one race in Maryland. I ran the Twilight 8k. I got a PR of about 5 seconds. I didn't run as well as I could. It was humid and hot and hilly. Oh well. I honestly don't remember anything else from this race, other than it taking an hour to get to the race on the train.

August

I came back to Charlotte after a week long conference in Nashville. I shouldn't have ran the race. I felt sick coming off the plane. I was sweating a lot in the warm up. I ran a 5:20 mile and felt like crap. I had walking pneumonia. I did not feel good. Another 5k where I ran bad. Oh well. In Charlotte it was good to see friends that I hadn't seen before.

September

I ran one race, it was a half marathon on the C&O Trail. I warmed up from my apartment and then ran the race. It was 4.5 from my place. It was hot and not a lot of shade. I felt ok. I lead for most of the race. I got passed by this guy around mile 6, he also beat me at Thunder Road, and then let this other guy beat me for second. I didn't want to race him that bad. My time was 1:18 something or whatever 5:59 pace was. It was a good training run. Got a medal, it's still unopened in my kitchen. It was at this point where I wasn't that pleased running and thought about quitting, because what was the point?

October

Ran a race got second, didn't realize there was money involved. Should have tried harder. Felt ok, not in particular great shape. But hey it was ok. There wasn't much to say about this race. Ran smart and that translated to an ok day.

November

The month of the big race. I did ok. I ran well, but forgot gels so I didn't have a fun last 10 miles. Was it that big of a deal. I guess for others, but not for me. The race became an instant conversation starter: "I just wanted to say good job in the marathon". "Eh...thanks (stands around awkwardly thinking of something else to say. Can't. Nods head). I've said it before so I'll say it again. Big deal about the race. I don't feel any different than I did at the beginning of the year. I didn't tell anyone at work how I did in the race, and nobody knew how I did until my sister told them. To me it wasn't that big of a deal. Probably could have ran better. Of course satisfaction comes in the form that I did maybe 3 to 5 workouts for this race, didn't do that tempo at or lt tempo crap. I didn't worry about hitting times, workouts. I guess either I'm an outlier or that stuff is just in people's head. I do know starting the race I was thinking early on, you know I'm running this race, it doesn't really feel like a race, it doesn't really feel like anything. Maybe that's why I didn't run so well at the end. I don't know.

So here's the thing I got this giant 4th place finisher plaque/frame. I don't have a car and can't take it on a plane. So it sits on an empty bed in the same spot it's sat since I got it over Thanksgiving break. The medal that I won or received is in the same spot with all the other running crap I've gotten (crap is a harsh word, let's call it stuff). I don't know where exactly the medal is, but it's here in Charlotte with all the other stuff and will probably stay here. I don't think I've ever worn it or really looked at it. These are the things that don't motivate me to run or do well.

December

Not going to run a race this month. Got hurt by something in my foot/toes after the race. Not much more to say about this month.

So in 2011 got PR's in: 5k, 8k, and marathon. I don't know how many miles I ran. It's over 3k. Is that more or less than last year? I don't know. It doesn't really matter. I know I averaged 75 miles over 12 weeks in marathon training, so that right there is impressive (to someone I guess). What will happen in 2012? I would like to get PR's in some events, but if I don't I want to know that I at least tried my best to get them. Will I run another marathon? Maybe. Honestly I would rather see friends do well and achieve their goals than my own. I have specific running goals, but will keep them to myself. But back to the long race, will I announce it on facebook? NO.

Don't get me wrong if you post running related stuff on facebook more power to you, if that gets someone to do something great. But I'm not that person. I don't put that stuff out there and don't really care if people see what I do in a race. If you want to know ask me. Maybe you will get an honest answer. The only person to know is the person telling you. You just have to decide for yourself.

In 2012 I have one race already signed up, will there be more? Yeah I guess so. Will I ultimately let loose on all things and not really care about things that other people care about? (Or does that sentence make any sense?) I'll add pictures of this year in running. Maybe? Perhaps?